Many times, we as women find judgement for just about anything that we do. Any time we are good at something, or interested in a particular subject, we are shamed for it, mainly by men. Snapchat filters? She must be a hoe. Astrology? How dumb. She must be an idiot. Comics? She's faking it. Heavy Metal? She must be a poser. No one seems to believe that it is possible for us to actually be interested in the strange and unusual, and also have interests in fashion, beauty, and pop culture. Because of this, I find that a lot of women overcompensate and try to prove themselves as "one of the boys". My way of doing this as a teenager was rejecting everything that would be considered feminine. I tried not to care about makeup, getting dressed up, shit-talking with girlfriends, etc. because to these boys that I hung out with, those things were for the shallow, stupid, normal girls and not "cool" girls. Plot Twist: 'Cool Girl' doesn't exist.
I find that even as an adult, women who are part of a scene or a subculture that is male dominated tend to put other females down when they are traditionally feminine, or even for no reason at all. I can't tell you how many times within the metal scene I've seen women and girls attack another female simply because of how she's dressed, or just because she is their boyfriend's ex minding her own business. The same can be said about any other subculture events - comic conventions, festivals, etc. Women already get enough BS from men about how we are probably only at a show because our significant other is there. We constantly get these Alex Trebek ass dudes coming up to us asking us the Daily Double on band members blood types or comic issue release dates from the 1960s, as if we have to validate our presence. We need to allow femininity to exist and flourish within a subculture and take care of each other. Wear the lipstick and the short skirt, post all the astrology memes, listen to Celtic Frost- but don't forget to uplift your fellow women. Be kind, tell another woman when she looks good, be polite to ex-girlfriends if they are completely removed from your relationship. Stand up for other women when they are being put down. Be uplifting, not antagonizing. There is nothing more magical and pure than the female platonic connection - we should embrace and celebrate it.
Loving makeup, bopping to Cards B, and buying a Balenciaga handbag doesn't make your love for heavy metal, comic books, or video games any less valid. It makes for a well rounded, multi-faceted individual. It's also okay to not wear any makeup at all, only like pants, and carry everything in your pockets. You should do what makes you happy, because people who are happy with themselves spread their positive influence and bring people together.
I'm not an expert on feminism or psychology or any of that. I simply observe and report. I have so many wonderful female friends met through different subcultures who's friendships have been built on a beautiful combination of the subculture and feminine connection. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.
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